Sunday, July 19, 2009

so small

I intended to go to bed 2 hours ago.

Instead, I'm sitting in front of my computer bawling my eyes out.

Maybe it's because I watched 2 episodes of "16 and Pregnant" and that show gets to me.

Or because I miss my grandpa.

Or because I came across this blog tonight and started watching the videos in the sidebar about how they came to be a family of eleven.

I've blown through an entire roll of toilet paper (Kleenex is for wussies) because there are 143 million orphans in this world. 143 million babies and toddlers and children and teens with no mom. No dad.

And I feel inadequate.

I don't have the organizational skills
or the time
or the grace
or the money
to do what Mark and I have been called to do.

I'm not big enough to help. Or to care. Or to provide.

And in order to accomplish anything, I'M going to have to ASK for help. And that's hard.

And I'm going to have to believe -- REALLY BELIVE -- that God IS big enough. And I have to trust -- REALLY TRUST -- that he is faithful.

You know, the kind of trust and belief that get you into a holy-cow-i'm-going-to-be-in-deep-doodoo-if-God-doesn't-come-through-here kind of situation.

You know. That kind of faith. The kind that only crazy people have.

2 comments:

Nicole Tharp said...

Hey Becky, I just wanted to let you know that I prayed for you this morning. I prayed that God would be your strength and that you wouldn't feel overwhelemed; that He would remind you of His perfect plan for your family and your little-boy-to-be! Keep leaning on the Everlasting Arms, because His grace will provide for all of your needs and He will walk you and Mark through this amazing journey.

Tarah said...

I was right there with you crying my eyes out on the episode of 16 and pregnant when those two awesome teenagers had the courage to give their baby daughter a better life! You and Mark are doing an awesome thing and I know God is going to provide a way! There is so much pain in this world and it seems so overwhelming but you in your "small" way are doing a big thing for a little life! I'm so excited to see God work and move!